Biceps Of Death by David Stukas

Author:David Stukas [Stukas, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kensington Publishing Corp.
Published: 2012-05-09T07:00:00+00:00

10

I Enjoy Being a Girl

“Half a fucking million dollars and you’re not going to take it?” Michael shouted. “Just for giving some queen with a sewing machine a CD with some pictures on it?”

I knew it was a mistake to mention our current situation to Michael since his view on the subject would coincide with mine—an occurrence that rarely happened. The last thing I needed right then was to have someone vehemently agreeing with my idea to take the money and run.

“Robert, if you don’t grab that money, you’re a fool. I mean, what can happen? Addams is not going to tell anyone about the pictures because he wants to keep things quiet. You give him the CD, take the money, and go buy yourself some decent clothes.”

“So why are you so vocal about the money, Michael? You have all you could ever want.”

Michael looked like I had just slapped him across the face. “That shows just how little you understand about having money. No one could ever have all they could want. And for your information, you know my setup. My mother has control of the Stark purse strings. And furthermore, I can barely get by on what she sends me.”

“Michael, you get over fifty thousand a month.”

“Yes, Robert, but I have expenses most normal people don’t. My co-op fees are outrageous! Last month, one of the building’s elevators broke and you should have seen the bill! Everyone in the building is going to have pay for that in raised fees, and since I have the apartment with the most square footage, guess who gets hit the worst?”

“Michael, you broke the tenant elevator when you made the deliverymen use it to take that metal sculpture up.”

“How was I supposed to know it weighed one ton?”

“Michael, don’t make excuses. You get away with breaking most of the building rules because you have the most votes in the building. Besides your penthouse, you bought several apartments in the building just so you could have more votes on the co-op board.”

“That’s not illegal. Leona Helmsley does it all the time!” Michael protested.

“You don’t know that, Michael.”

“But I bet she does,” Michael spit back.

“Michael, your conjecturing is too easy. I could probably say that Leona stabs people, eats their brains, then tosses their bodies into a human-size grinder and makes them into hamburger that she has cooked and served up for her and I’d probably be right.”

“Well, all I can say is take the money or you’ll regret it.”

“Michael, we’re not taking the money.”

“Can I then?”

“Michael!” I was actually shocked by his comment, which was shocking in and of itself since almost nothing that Michael did could shock me anymore.

“Just give me the pictures, we’ll get the money, and I’ll split it with you, sixty-forty.”

“It’s really stupid of me to even ask this, but I assume the sixty percent is not my share but yours?”

“That is correct.”

“So why do you get sixty percent? The pictures were given to me.”

“Because I’ll take the blame if things get messy.

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